Tag Archives: cotillion

A lesson taught by Mark Twain, learned by experience

So I am in the mood to blog, but there seems to be way too much on my mind to blog … I know, strange. So I clicked, “Inspire me” and this is what came up: Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?

Could life be any more ironic right now?

Well, my strongest memory of heart pounding belly twisting nervousness is happening right now. Really, the only thing I’ve been feeling for the past week has been heart-pounding, belly-twisting nervousness. And its all because I took the gutsiest move of my life, asking a boy to Cotillion myself, to see what it feels like to be in the boy’s position for once. Well now I know what it feels like. I know what it feels like to be you, boys. I know what it feels like to have the horrible anxiety of what the answer will be, and the sickening fear of rejection. I apologize to anyone I have ever rejected, because the last thing I want right now is to be told, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way.”

My nervousness is not justified in the least. I mean, I shouldn’t be making a big deal about this. Like my teacher said, “the dances are supposed to be fun, and for those of you making it a big deal and stressing about it, you just took away the fun.” Great. So I’ve already ruined it for myself, and this is my SECOND blog post about it, so I’m obviously making a big deal of it! (Although I’d like to think I’m not) I mean, in my mind, this is totally justified. I like this boy. I haven’t talked to him in forever, and I have no idea how he feels about me, but I know he feels something. I see this as an opportunity to find out. To break the ice and be friends again. I miss him!

Maybe I should have learned my lesson from Mark Twain. All his satire on romanticism really must have gone in one ear and out the other for me. He pretty much warned me that trying to live an elaborate and romantic life would only set me back. Basing all my actions on my fantasies and desires is a habit of mine. Why do I keep doing it? Because sometimes it makes me happier. Could I have been more practical in doing this? I guess I didn’t think much about it. I just decided I wanted to, and asked.

I think that blogging about this has actually helped me clear my mind. I needed to clear my mind. I have a chemistry test next period that I am not at all prepared for. So wish me luck. For my test, mostly, but maybe for the outcome of this predicament I have placed myself in.

… And he said no. So I really did learn my lesson the hard way. And I only set myself back. And here I am, in pieces, wondering why we can’t just get past the awkwardness and be friends again. So much for hope. So much for feelings. So much for dreams. So much for chasing them. Where’s Huck when you need him? Or more importantly, why am I never willing to listen to him?

Advertisements

if you must ask…

This being my first post and all, it will indeed appear very spontaneous and random. But, in fact, this is a topic that has been lingering in my mind for weeks now, and I would love to share it. It is finally December (well pretty much.. its November 28th), which entails a very nerve-racking season at Bishop Watterson High School. The month of December kicks off the season of Cotillion (our winter formal dance). The dance, however, isn’t until the middle of January. December is when the guys start thinking about the girls, and the girls start thinking about the guys, and the askings begin. Now, if you are like me, and have absolutely no one in mind, but speculate that there may be certain someones that have you in mind,  you begin to panic. I am currently in a state of panic, but its a relaxed panic. A panic in the back of my mind, that I tell myself to push aside. “Everything will be ok,” I tell myself subconsciously. But now that I have brought my repressed panic to the surface, I decided I would be somewhat okay with getting asked to the dance, but only if the boy takes the time to get to know me, and asks me in a meaningful way. And by meaningful, I mean something that only I understand, like an inside joke, or something I love, or if worst comes to worst and no boy ever takes the time to get to know me, it better be something extremely clever.

After much consideration on the subject, I have put together a top 5 ways I’d love to be asked to Cotillion. (or Prom, or senior Cotillion, or senior Prom, or on a date, or to be married…)

#1 Just ask me. Honestly, I just want to be asked in private, away from the hectic hallways and the chaotic cafeteria, just alone, you and me. I don’t want to feel the pressure of the people around me, people I may not even know, to just say yes because other people want me to. I want to be asked with patience. You ask, and I stand there quietly and decide. Maybe it will take three milliseconds for me to come up with an answer, if I feel that strongly about it, and maybe it could take three minutes. A girl needs her time, and being given time to truly answer you means a lot to me.

#2 This one is a little less conventional, more on the “inside joke” spectrum. I call this one The giraffe bouquet. This initially sounds really strange. I have a special love for giraffes, but I definitely do not want some guy to go whipping out a few giraffes tied together at the neck or something sick like that, but I want a bouquet of giraffe patterned flowers. I was shopping at the new Michael’s store at Graceland the other day, because I love Michael’s, and I am ecstatic that one of their locations is now only 2 miles from my school, where I practically live these days. Anyway, I was looking for flowers to fill a gift basket I was making for my aunts, and I came across a bouquet of giraffe printed flowers! The flowers of course, were fake, but hey, anything giraffe beats a real bouquet of roses, and I’ll take it! Image

#3 Going back to normalcy for a minute, I’d like to mention that I’d really love to be asked to Cotillion by a friend, as a friend, in which case we would simply go as friends. I kind of have this secret desire to have some sort of romantic date for at least one of my high school dances, but right now, I just want a friend to go with. It would be fun and memorable, but not threatened by stress or heartbreak or disaster. Everything would go right, because when you are with a friend who loves you, what could possibly go wrong?

#4 Number four is one for those boys who don’t have the energy or decency to get to know me before asking me to spend one of my most anticipated and possibly most memorable experiences of high school with them. This is simply a clever idea, maybe unoriginal, who knows, but I like. And this isn’t my idea either. I like food, and I especially like pizza, so ordering a pizza and having it delivered to my house with a note inside the box saying something clever like, “Will you go to the dance with me, or is this too cheesy?” It sounds like an excellent idea to me. And make sure it’s cheese only, please 🙂 It’ll be even more cheesy that way.

Image

#5 Don’t even. Really, if your some random guy that thinks I’m attractive, but has never had the balls to move past the “Hey, how are you?” stage of talking, don’t even try. Please, being asked to a dance isn’t the most important thing in my life. (Even though I am obsessing over it right now, its really not a big deal.) I just think that it has the potential to be a great thing, and if you are a boy that has taken the time to be my friend, accept who I truly am, and love me unconditionally, then you have the potential to make this dance (or any other) one of my most memorable experiences in high school.